Why Would Some People Not Accept Help?

Now and then we have all met or come across people who will not accept help.  The type of person who does not want to receive any help. These people usually correspond to one of two types. Either they are the kind of person who is willing to help everyone but has difficulty accepting help themselves. Or they are the kind of person who will not accept help from anyone even if they have a serious problem.

In either case, the situation is very frustrating for the people around them. When we encounter people like this, it’s hard to understand why they will not accept help, even when they need it . The problem sometimes becomes annoying and can be interpreted as negligence or unwillingness to solve problems.

“The greatest play is a man who strives to fight adversity; but there is another even greater: to see another man give him some help. ”
–Oliver Goldsmith–

The truth is, it almost never works that way. The reasons why some people refuse help are part of an underlying problem. Even though they are suffering and need others to help them, they are having a hard time leaning on someone else. This may be due to an unconscious mental blockage. Or it could simply be because they have a hard time recognizing that they need to change.

People who help everyone but will not accept help themselves

It is relatively common for people who help everyone to have trouble asking for or accepting help from others. These people have created an identity where it is valid to give but not to receive. They believe that their role is to respond when faced with the needs of others. At the same time, they handle their necessities alone or ignore them.

Somehow, they do not allow others to help them. And it may be because they think that by doing so they would betray their “mission” in life. They also believe that it would not be in line with the person they want to become. They want to become a completely independent individual. Similarly, they may also feel that accepting the help of others would be a disadvantage to them. In other words, it will create a problem for them. And all this makes them feel ashamed.

This is also the case for those who do not allow others to help them because they assume that enjoying this help will create a debt that the other person can ask for where and when they want. They do not understand that helping others can be satisfying. It does not create any kind of obligation. Therefore, it is sometimes necessary to explain this with love and make them understand.

To need help but would not accept it

The second case is  people who do not allow others to help them even though they are going through very difficult situations. It is easy to notice that they need others, but if someone tries to help them with their problem, that person is rejected. The most typical example of this is a person suffering from an addiction. The common thing is for them to refuse, sometimes even horribly, to accept someone else who gives them a hand to get out of the situation they are in.

In these cases, it is common for these people not to even admit that they have a problem . Thus, they will not let us help them. Part of their problem is precisely the denial of the problem. It happens to addicts, but also to people who are immersed in depression, anxiety or any other disorder and are not aware of it or have a distorted view of it.

Oddly enough, in these cases, the symptom itself is an adaptive response that the person has created to cope with their life. It is “adaptive” in the sense that it allows them to interpret reality in a way that allows them to move forward. For example, a person who is depressed constructs the notion that they are sad because they are more sensitive than other people and not as a result of illness. That performance allows them to explain their lives and move on with it, even if it costs them a lot of suffering.

What to do with people who do not allow others to help them

In the first case, it is advisable to make the situation clear to those who help everyone but do not accept help from anyone. Let them lovingly see that the desire to help them comes from genuine recognition. And being able to give them a hand is a source of satisfaction for you, not a sacrifice or a great effort.

In the second case, people do not accept help even when they need it. Here the situation is a little more complex. What is required in this case is to be patient and tactful. Be there for them, show interest in that person and try to accept them as they are.

This is an excellent key to these people opening their doors and letting you participate. The most important thing is not to give in to the temptation to put pressure on them to change. Sometimes the concern you have for them can take on this form. Thus, your intervention with all the best intentions in the world ends up harming them.

We must respect each person’s pace and rhythm. Most of the time, they need time to understand that they need help. In the most severe cases, it is advisable to consult a professional. They will explain how you can help and how to do it effectively.