They Call Me Selfish, I Call It Self-love

There always comes a moment in our lives where we finally take the plunge.  We finally free ourselves from specific situations, things and even people who only hurt us, instead of offering us well-being. This act of personal courage is considered by many to be a reflection of selfishness. In reality, it is pure self-love.

We must always take into account that this psychological idea is never fully understood. Traditionally, the  idea behind self-love is often related to specific narcissistic ideas  and to the individual selfishness, which only does things that it itself can benefit from. This is not entirely true.

There is only one love that must last forever. It’s self – love.

There is a widely accepted opinion among psychologists and specialists in emotional issues. It is that people in general  “are researchers in rational matters, but illiterate in emotional matters”. Suppressing what you feel or want is not healthy. It is also not healthy not to be able to respect or feel empathy with the needs of others.

You are not selfish if you say “no.” No one should be judged for putting a stop to what is going on and saying “now that’s enough”. We would like to invite you to reflect on this!

Lack of self-love strengthens our fears

Lack of self-love strengthens our fears and makes us fragile. To understand this a little better, we need to explore the fascinating world of neuroscience. According to a study by the University of Dartmouth (New Hamshire, USA), the  area associated with our self-esteem and self-love is the frontostriatal pathway.

The greatest activity within this strong area of ​​the brain is our self-esteem. A common misconception in this area is that people with high self-esteem and self-love are almost always the most intelligent and successful.

This is not true, or at least one is not related to the other. In fact, researchers are very aware of one aspect: the  activity of the frontrostriatal pathway is a reflection of our emotional health. At a lower level of activity, people have a greater risk of fear, insecurity, and in the long run there is a risk of depression.

From an emotional point of view, the people who are indifferent and do not value themselves as they deserve, seek others to fill this role, which can cover these shortcomings so that they can “feel safe”. They need recognition and care in a very intensive way. L angt from being “independent” with a good dose of self-love, the prisoners of the will of others. This begins a slow process of self-destruction.

The discreet connection between self-esteem and self-love

Sometimes  we fall under the discreet enchantment of thinking that it is always better to look for what is outside than to listen to the needs that our inner being asks for. The fact is that this is sometimes due to educational patterns, other environments or the people around us. And these can violate our self-esteem.

This is how we “illuminate” our self-love

When faced with a wounded self-esteem, the most important thing is to be aware of the “wounded”, the “broken” that has removed us from ourselves.

• Exercise emotional compensation: the  beliefs of everything you fear, the questions of your emptiness, and the alleviation of your suffering are not always something outside of us or in the people around you. You must seek your own emotional compensation. The love that can help you in these cases is without a doubt self-love.
• To turn on our self-esteem  , we must consider the following: trying to make everyone else happy is exhausting, and doing so every single day for the rest of our lives can ruin us. It’s not real. That is not healthy. No one should be considered selfish or cynical if they simply say what they mean and use the honesty that comes from respect, but who also knows how to mark boundaries to protect themselves.
• In order to increase your self-esteem  and have good self-love, we must consider ourselves to be valuable people. We should continue to do this despite our mistakes. These mistakes do not determine who you are. It is determined by whether you are able to get up again after you have fallen.

So instead of comparing ourselves to others, or letting malicious criticism affect us. So do not forget to nurture the bond of love for yourself. For as Jiddu Krishnamurti once said, religion should simply be the act of knowing how to love oneself.