Respect Is Required, But Trust Is Earned For

I have always regarded trust as the most fragile form of surrender that exists. As the headline of this article suggests, it is such that trust is earned. This is interesting because the older we get, the more polarizing this topic is.

Experience usually dictates how willing people are to give their trust. When we have been let down far too many times, we tend to be more vigilant. This makes life more friendly, but also more suspicious.

“Trusting everyone does not make sense, but not trusting anyone is neurotic and stupid.”

–Juvenal–

Respect is required, trust is earned

If you do not trust a person, it does not mean that you think the person is worse than you, or that it is a sign of disrespect. You deserve trust. It’s about surrendering and letting that person support a part of you that you may lose if this fails. Respect is required and is about recognition and how good your connection is to the person.

That is why we are talking here about two different values. Although it is true that in some cases there is a very fine line between them. Some feel offended when they do not gain the trust of others. As if that makes them a bad person. Especially those who are quick to give their trust and expect the same from others.

“Self-confidence: the feeling that makes one believe in a person, even when one knows one would be lying in his position. 

–Henry Louis Mencken–

The importance of trust

Our ancestors lived in tribes that hunted in a group. They lived in societies where relationships were much closer and where people were more interdependent than today. Therefore, trust was of fundamental value. If a group of people tried to capture a prey, no one could leave an opening in the circle. Because then everyone would be in addition to food.

More than once I have met people who got annoyed because I did not share some of my thoughts or anything that had happened. I have also been on the other side – I have asked a question and received no answer; I never asked why, but I think it was on the same basis. The thing is, I do not think it was cool either, but some realities are just hard to accept.

One of these realities is that you may not have the other person’s trust. It may be that you are a person who trusts yourself a lot. You have lived your whole life with yourself and you know yourself well. In addition, you have a lot of control over what you do and say. But the other person has not spent their entire lives with you, nor do they have the control over you that you have. People often forget this big but subtle difference.

Trust takes time

Trust takes time –  for some more than others. For trust one deserves. It is also a very intuitive process. We do not usually start long discussions to decide if we want to trust someone; we simply open up as much as we feel like.

Studies have identified variables that affect trust. The more the person looks like us, the faster we trust them. We also tend to trust people with children, older people or people with animals more quickly. We think that if someone has shown them the confidence to take care of something so valuable, then they must be credible. The same goes for people who share our interests, as we are able to have long conversations with them, without getting into personal issues.

The most beautiful thing about trust is the precious feeling it is to deserve to get it from the people we love. It’s not that they know we’ll not let them down, but that they feel we will be the first to be there for them when they need us.