Parental Death – The Worst Thing That Can Happen To A Child

“I lost my father when I was 8, almost 9 years old. I have not forgotten his deep and loving voice. They say I look like him. But there is one thing that makes us different – my father was an optimistic man. “

This is how Rafael Narbona begins his testimony of the death of his parents. He is a man who lost his father at a very young age. This is a situation that marked his life forever. It serves as proof that the worst thing that can happen to a child is the death of parents.

In childhood, children establish a special bond with their parents. More often than not, these affiliations are positive and unconditional. Thanks to their parents, children experience an initial contact that will shape their future relationships. With their support, with them as role models, these people will help them clear a path that is still unknown to them. Remember that children are beginners in the game of life. So if parental death occurs at a young age, it can be a very hard blow that affects them in a profound way.

Why me? What would happen if my parents were not dead? What would they have to say about my current life? Would they be proud of the decisions I have made? These are questions that do not have a right or wrong answer. But many times they accompany these people through the rest of their lives.

“In my opinion, it was unthinkable to think that my father could no longer walk around the park.”
-Rafael Narbona-

Parental death leaves a permanent imprint – whether it is a scar or an open wound

Rafael Narbona still feels how hard it was for him to lose his father at the age of 8, to a heart attack. Lack of understanding about this unexpected event makes him ask himself the question “Why me?” . He sought solitude by retiring, as he should have actually enjoyed life with the other children.

You might, from an adult’s perspective, forget that children usually forget things quickly. Nevertheless, this is not the case for important life events . A child experiences with great intensity everything that happens to them. And the imprint that each event leaves behind is very hard to erase. The moment of sadness of seeing other children with their parents and the rejection of this new, unknown, painful reality of death can be dragged through the rest of the child’s life.

Parental death starts a grieving process with phases that will last shorter or longer, depending on the person. It also depends on how much they are affected by the situation. The initial anger, rage, and denial should subsequently be replaced by grief and acceptance. In the case of Rafael Narbona, anger and rage were some time to disappear. They were especially intense in his youth.

For a child, it is very difficult to understand that living beings eventually die and that this means they never come back.

Rebellion against authority diversions and non-compliance with prohibitions are in some cases not signs of lack of upbringing. Sometimes it indicates a terrible pain that resides in an individual. It is a way of manifesting their unhappiness in the face of something that is still rejected by their inner world.

Sadness turned into peaceful nostalgia

Like many children who lose a parent, Narbona transformed from a state of constant struggle against the world that manifested itself as rage. He became a professor, journalist and writer, just as his father was . In his pain, he idealized his father, to the point where he hit a turning point when he decided to follow in his footsteps. Yet the sadness remained. He underwent a healing process in which he saw his father as imperfect but genuine.

When a parent dies, a child tends to cling to their idealized image while fighting against a world that has torn their loved one away. Sometimes they end up in their footsteps due to a profound desire. Not a desire to replace them, but to feel closer to the loved one. However, there is still a deep sadness and a bitterness towards the world that one day took their family member.

A family should never disguise its sadness. It would be positive to include the children in this grieving process.

Children suffer a lot if they lose one of their parents in their early years. Thus, it is important to give them the opportunity to express their feelings, let them talk about it and about how they feel. This helps keep their emotions stagnant in them, without acquiring a meaning or a purpose. In these cases, the emotions are most likely to emerge in later stages of their lives. They will also come out much stronger and with more rage. At this point , we will have less ability to help the child.

We can not avoid what is happening, but we can gain more strength with each blow we endure. This will be an opportunity to learn and become more resilient. To mature at your own pace. Realizing that life is not against you is simply what it is – random and whimsical at times. Eventually , thanks to acceptance, the sadness and longing for this lost parent will turn into peaceful nostalgia.