I Rule Over My Heart – All The Time

Your heart should not have an owner, nor rented lands or borrowed corners. Your heart belongs to you. It has only one ruler, and that is you. Thanks to the heart, your strength will grow. It will pump enough self-love and oxygen to your self-esteem, to love fully. And that is what allows you to desire without limitations, to be the master of your paths and the architect of a dignified life.

Achieving this personal autonomy is not an easy task. Especially when you are also trying to integrate a sense of intimacy into your significant relationships. In fact, if you look at the most classic and traditional arrangements of romantic relationships, you will realize that autonomy and privacy have been declared incompatible.

“No ingratitude can close a big heart, and no indifference can exhaust it.”
–Leon Tolstoy–

You can influence your own destiny by being your own ruler

No one is completely free from influence when it comes to deciding our fate and mapping a path. We are all under the influence of certain social, cultural and equally ideological norms. To try to understand these influences, it is always a good idea to remember what the studies of individual psychology tell us.

You must make an effort to incorporate an authentic commitment to yourself into your cornerstones. Both personal autonomy and the ability to decide what you want and do not want are basic principles of psychological well-being. Your well-being deserves a portion of your daily efforts. Your heart, understood as the metaphorical dimension in which your emotions and even your identity are contained, is a universe in constant growth.

Let us allow it to expand so that it is its own ruler. But at the same time, your heart must remain humble and sensitive enough to know how to connect with the people around it in an authentic way. For magic can be found within this balance.

You lose your autonomy in small everyday decisions

Leaving a professional project because your better half asked you to do it. Break up with the love of your life because your parents do not approve of your relationship. Change your hobbies because your friends always have other plans. Give up too early because no one supports your goals…

These are common examples of what it means to threaten your own dignity, self-esteem and identity. It is important to take this into account. This type of sabotage does not come solely from the people around you . In most cases , it often comes from yourself. For you are your own ruler.

Do not blame others

We should not just blame those who place their reins and palisades on us in an attempt to control us . We must take responsibility by understanding that we are the ones who give and surrender such imprisonment and transgressions.

On the other hand, we must remember that those who hand over the wheel of their own lives to others do not do so in a punctual or spontaneous form. The truth is that it is a daily practice that they voluntarily neglect. As someone who decides to stop bathing, brushing hair or cutting nails. It is part of our psychological hygiene and a principle of emotional health that we expose and give away to others . And that’s wrong. No one rules our lives.

Our own dignity should not be touched by the hands of another. No one can (or should) sow the seeds of their selfish desires in our hearts or sell us goals that do not align with our values. Moreover, it does not matter whether the hands so accustomed to boycotting our identity are the hands of our romantic partner, parents, or supposed best friend.

There are some areas that are private and that no one can violate. Maintaining qualities related to our being is something that concerns us . This is a daily hygiene task that cannot be overlooked at all times.

Breathe, count to 10 and restore your autonomy in your heart

Dr. Carol D. Ryff, from the University of Pennsylvania, is one of the biggest exponents of positive psychology. Between 1989 and 1998 , she developed an interesting model of “psychological well-being”. This model, to this day, continues to be one of the most enriching contributions to personal growth. It has a lot to do with the health principle that we mentioned earlier.

“It is only with the heart that one can see correctly. The crucial thing is invisible to the naked eye. “
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery–

We suggest that you start thinking about the main points to start working on your own emotional and psychological self-control.

The model of psychological well-being that we should all apply

One of the most interesting points in Dr. Ryff’s approach is that which has to do with neuroscience. When something that goes against our values ​​happens, or when someone imposes their opinion or forces us to do something we do not like, our limbic system responds immediately.

The cerebral structure related to emotions is like our voice of alarm. It is the inner siren that whispers to us “Beware, something is wrong.” Immediately stress and cortisol appear, running through our bloodstream. What would be ideal in these cases would be for us to be able to recognize that feeling and simply count to 10. And then for us to act according to our real needs.

We know it’s not easy. But we can achieve this if we gradually learn to integrate these principles of psychological well-being into our lives:

• Practice self-acceptance every day.
• Make it a priority to establish positive and enriching relationships with other people. If a particular relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, does not harmonize with these principles, consider making a change.
• Have a clear and objective purpose for your life. You should also, no doubt, fight for it.
• Invest in your personal growth. Every moment is the right thing to do.
• Maintain appropriate control over your reality. You are the one who leads, guides, decides, initiates, finishes, delimits and is responsible for your own decisions.

In conclusion, we are aware that these strategies cannot be achieved overnight. It requires willpower, courage and perseverance. But let us remember that whenever we feel blocked or notice we are losing our independence , we must use the most classic remedy of all. Take a deep breath, count to 10 and REAGER. For in our hearts we are the ones who make the rules. We are our own ruler.