Ghosting: Disappearing Instead Of Hitting Up

Julia can not believe it. She had been in a relationship for almost a year with the man who seemed to be the love of her life. Then everything suddenly started to change. She says it was from “one day to the next”. It is certain that this man, in whom she had placed all her hopes of a lasting relationship, left without saying a thing. She still does not know if it was his way of ending the relationship or just taking a short break. This is ghosting.

The situation is confusing for her. She called him, sent him several messages and wrote emails, but he has not answered. She does not know if she should try it again. Sometimes she thinks that he is in the middle of some kind of problem and that he has therefore disappeared. At other times, she thinks he simply does not have the courage to strike up with her, face to face, and therefore he avoids her now.

“Failed fields, declared fire.”
Anonymous

Does this sound familiar? Julia is a fictional character, but we have all known a Julia, or we have been her at some point. And it is such that disappearing from a relationship, instead of directly ending it, has become a common practice. It is so common that it even has a name, “ghosting”, to become a phantom from one day to the next. Why is this happening?

Ghosting: a way to end a relationship or perpetuate it?

It is assumed that this should not happen between two adults. When a relationship starts, both take responsibility for continuing in the relationship until one of them wants to stop it. Should this happen, the reasonable thing to do is to express this openly so that the other person clearly understands that the relationship is over and that each individual is now free to manage their love life as they see fit.

We all know that ending a relationship is rarely easy. Both people end up getting hurt, but whoever did not make the decision to quit it will usually get a little more hurt even if they do not show it. But as uncomfortable as that moment may be, it is expected that it can at least be clearly communicated to the other person that the relationship is over.

What seems obvious is not always so clear to all adults. They distance themselves and hope that the distance will make the other person understand that this is a way to end their relationship. Moreover, it is easier for them because they avoid explanations, scenes and a harsh ordeal. That’s the idea of ​​ghosting.

This situation is in itself a paradox. By not looking up in person, but rather choosing to disappear, they maintain the bond with their ex in some way. They continue it because the affected person will have some uncertainty that will not allow them to have termination for a while. The one who “disappeared” will pretend not to know, but they do it for sure. Thus, what you need to do is close the door and open a window, which will help you cope with your own grief more easily.

It does not complicate the grief not to end a relationship

As hard as it may be, it is always healthier to end a relationship personally and not leave the other person in suspense  and open the way for all kinds of interpretations and conjectures. Once you know you have lost someone, whether you wanted to or not, start the acceptance process. It means mourning the loss, crying and looking for a way to reorganize your emotional world.

If the relationship has been incorrect, ghosting may be an obvious and acceptable conclusion. But if the relationship has contained intense emotions, shared plans and expectations, the situation becomes much more complicated. In these cases, ghosting means giving up in the strictest sense of the word. And for the one who is abandoned, it means a vague evil, failed hope and anger for having been ignored as an active part of the relationship.

People disappear because they do not have the accompanying or psychological strength to end the relationship and they are fully aware of the harm they are causing. But they do not care. They end it by causing great harm to the other person. After all, it gives a certain amount of power over the situation. It protects them from suffering any grief because they choose to ignore it and continue, or so it seems. Inside, they also hurt.

“Ghosting” is the act of selfish and immature people who feel inferior to the circumstance they are in. They do not trust their own strengths and have probably also been abandoned at some point in their lives. That’s why they do not want to look up face to face. But by wading into someone else’s feelings, they are not honest with themselves. And it will sooner or later also undermine any future conditions they may have.