From Love To Hate: Is There Really Only One Step?

We are often surprised when we see couples who loved each other passionately, and suddenly  they just become a memory for each other. 

We are not talking about people who suffer from alienation, but about the  men and women who, after being in a loving relationship, become each other’s worst enemies.  Sometimes this does not happen until many years have passed and the couple is no longer connected by the worn band.

Other times, the transformation happens suddenly. Yesterday they loved each other and today they hate each other. It is at this point that we ask:  is it true that there is only one step between love and hate?

Love and hate

There is no kind of love that does not contain just a little bit of hatred. We might hate the person a little bit because they are not always there for us. Or because they did not value our efforts in the way we hoped.

We may also feel a tinge of hatred  when the other person does not understand us  or when they are unable to say the words we would like to hear.

These are small pieces of hatred that usually do not turn into anything bigger. They disappear as fast as they came. And they leave almost no trace, except in the most sensitive personalities. They are usually easy to handle and the love is preserved.

But there are  other situations where the result is not so positive.  Sometimes one of these little episodes of claims can be the seed that turns into a huge forest of hatred.

Or maybe it’s just the straw that made the camel’s back break.

But the facts are: love and hate are not completely opposite worlds. D an opposite of love is not hate – it is indifference.  And just as love contains one gram of hatred, all hatred deep inside contains a component of love.

The paradox of love and hate

The step from love to hate usually happens in two ways.

Either a person wakes up after a long and sluggish cycle where they have endured something they cannot bear. Or someone does something so great for the other  that they transform their feelings of love into a desire for irreplaceable destruction.

This situation is  more normal in people who have low tolerance for frustration  or increased narcissism. If there are no emotional resources to maintain the emotional balance in a harmful situation, it is likely that  they will blame others for the feeling of frustration  they are experiencing.

We therefore hate the other person  because they have been able to bring out our weaknesses, insecurities and addictions.  Narcissistic personalities are unable to differentiate between an attack and an act of assertion by the other person. H show the other asking for space, recognition or autonomy, they see it as a sign of aggression.

They reckon that their partner should live by their rules. And that  any act of freedom is seen as a personal threat.  This is why they may even end up reacting violently.

Hatred creates very strong bonds with the other person.  In fact, it can result in stronger bonds than those created by love. The worst thing is that when it makes room for a number of harmful things, the situation becomes a cycle that constantly starts all over again.

Neither one nor the other can make a healthy break. Life becomes a game about getting  hurt and avoiding getting hurt.  They feel they can not give up the situation. For that would be the same as throwing the towel in the ring.

This dramatic cycle is extremely damaging. This is one of those situations where you always lose, no matter how much you win.  There is no way to solve it.

The only alternative is to turn away from that person and give up the hatred. It might be an unbearable prison that  will only leave you with wounds.

Pictures of Chema Concellon