Emotional Addiction: I Always Go Back To You

Even when the wind changes, my sailboat always brings me back to you. I do not know how to navigate in other waters. I know of no other way to steer my sailboat than with the wind. But you are the wind. You make an ocean form out of the tears, I cry when you tell me that being by my side weighs you down.

You say you love me but that you should breathe and not be so attached to me. You say you do not have to show your love for me by being with me wherever I go. And these statements hurt me, as if you were leaving me. To me, love is doing everything for you.

This emotional addiction that pushes me back to you despite the pain I feel is something that I know can be changed. But it’s hard to accept that the way I love is not the right way. It is also hard to accept that love is not shown by breathing each other in the neck all the time. But by trusting them when they are not right by your side.

You’re everything to me. I can not live without you. My sense of self is dissolved in the thought of being with you. Now I do not know how to be myself. Now there is only us. I can not live if I do not go back to you and be by your side.

The wind turned into a storm

It was not only bad in the beginning. It was like a light breeze that you feel on a spring day. The kind that gives you goosebumps when it touches your skin, and makes you feel so comfortable in its vicinity.

I quickly became attached to you, as if my life depended on you. You were my world. I stopped doing other things so I could always be by your side. I did not take a step without first thinking about what you would say. You controlled me as if I were a doll. You took the helm. I always went back to you. I limited myself to thinking that if I did everything you said and did everything for you, no pirate would ever be able to attack our boat.

I came to need you as the air I breathed. And I drowned in my tears, believing that my life had no meaning without you.

I will not go back to you anymore – I will find myself

But one fine day, everything changed. You started asking for space, to tell me I was choking you. You asked me not to be so dependent on you. But that was the only way I knew how to love. And I fell away in the insults you brought because you did not understand how much I loved you, how much I had done for you.

But the wind turned into a storm and irritated the waves. And then the jealousy and criticism began. The discussions and the fears. I did not want to lose you, but I knew that the way I loved you suffocated me from within . So I asked for help. I understood that it was emotional addiction. I learned how to prevent it from happening again. I learned that love is being free and trusting the other person and that I could go back to being myself, even as a part of us.

“May you always be the brave woman who never stops, even in the worst storms, who knows herself better than anyone else and who does not care what other people think. May you always be the owner of your life. If the world overwhelms you, you must find company in your arms. Never change the way you are just to please someone else. If one day you choose to hide, happiness can always find you. ”
-Kelbin Torres-

How To End Emotional Addiction

No one should depend on others to be happy. This applies both in and out of relationships. For  emotional addiction does not only occur in romantic relationships. It can also happen with family members and friends. Therefore, working on the following points can help you establish healthier relationships:

• Do not systematically put the wishes of others ahead of your own. Your own well-being is important. You must love yourself before you can love others in a healthy way.
• No one can make everyone happy. It is not your responsibility to please others. You can not expect everyone to like everything you do. Just like you should not stop doing things because other people do not like them.
• If you need someone else to enjoy yourself and be happy, reconsider the relationship you have established with them. Happiness and joy must come from within. Although it can be shared with others.
• Learn to be alone. Enjoying your own company without being dependent on others is a very healthy act of self-love. Being the wind that controls your ship will allow you to enjoy the little things in life that you do not normally appreciate.
• Redefine what love means to you. Love is not possession. If you spend more time with someone and do what that person likes, it does not mean that you love them more. Love is being yourself and sharing who you are with the other person.

These steps can help you prevent the wind in your relationships from turning into a storm. Because before you can love another, you must first love yourself. If you do not know how to do this, therapy can help you. Ask for help if you need it. So the relationships you form are as healthy as possible.